It’s a very common understanding that if you break your arm, you put it into a sling. If we scrape our knee, we put a Band-Aid on it. What do we do when we have an emotional wound? That’s the problem, there isn’t an immediate “fix.” Why are we a society that only stresses the importance of staying physically healthy, but not mentally?
In my first session, Dr. Lianna Bennett stressed this idea, that we physically take care of our bodies – not our minds. She also stressed the importance of her work as well as the work we were about to begin. Dr. Bennett is a licensed clinical psychologist in the Northern Virginia Area “who works with clients to heal past traumas, reduce the experiences of depression and anxiety and improve the quality of relationships in their lives.”
Every single person has some type of emotional wound. Every single person has been hurt, traumatized, upset, disappointed, lonely, depressed, stressed, or anxious. This meaning every single person can benefit from taking care of their emotions, by giving them the time and attention they need.
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Dr.Bennett gave me an analogy. Looking at the room we’re in she stated, “It’s a gym. We aren’t going to start discussing the most traumatic memories and experiences first, that’s like lifting a 50-pound weight on day one at the gym.” Bennett and I began at the beginning of my life, where my lifting weight was one pound. We began at a simple time in my life so that the years began to heal some wounds, and then I could tie up the loose ends by lifting those one pound weights. As time went on, I began to hit middle school lifting heavier and heavier weights. Progressing to high school and college, I was lifting weights heavier than myself. It’s a process, a process that received too little credit.
Counseling has been my “sling” or my “Band-Aid” and my wounds have healed. There is such a stigma on “emotionally unhealthy.” I didn’t think I was emotionally un-healthy because I wasn’t depressed, I wasn’t super anxious, I wasn’t questioning my life. I was naive. I needed counseling and it has improved my overall wellness of life. While I understand that not everyone can have a relationship with a counselor, but I urge you to consider this option if possible. If not, here are a few quick tips from Psychology Today to get started on your emotional wellness today:
1. Pay Attention to Emotional Pain – If it hasn’t gone away in a week, take action. This is where an emotional wound is formed. If you’re rejected, hurt, or have been consistently in a bad mood, we are forming an emotional wound that WILL impact the rest of your life if healing this wound isn’t put as a priority.
2. Stop Emotional Bleeding – Wounds formed can cause cycles that will make the emotional pain worse. Failure à Lack of Confidence à Failing again in the future. Take note of these if you see yourself doing this. It is so important to understand the emotions behind our actions.
3. Protect Your Self-Esteem – Think about it this way – “Our self esteem acts as an emotional immune system which can buffer us and lend us greater emotional resilience.” Make sure to take note of your self- esteem, boost it when its low and avoid a negative “pity party” regarding any aspect of your life.
4. Battle Negative Thinking – This one is pretty obvious - avoid ruminating!
5. Become Informed – There is so much more to learn, other than the content blog post.
Bonus Tip: We come across triggers in our daily lives. These triggers tell our mind to replicate the same pain we felt when a wound was formed. Confused? Think about holding onto a grudge, it's essentially the same thing, except with our emotions. Triggers can be simple or they can be complicated. Triggers can simulate upset, anger, hurt, or even embarrassment. I guarantee you that you will benefit from taking the time to learn what your emotional "triggers" are.
Ladies, take care of yourselves! Share this information with your sisters, your mothers, your friends, your aunts, and most importantly, share this with your daughters. Your emotional health is just as much as a priority as your physical health.
Take the time to watch this Ted Talk on emotions if you enjoyed this post. You will not regret it!
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